Sunday, April 1, 2012

who i am today

April 1, 2012. A year ago I would never have imagined my life would look like it does today. I would never have guessed November 13 would forever transform my life and February 8 would end what was. My life is now before - during - after. Period. During felt like an eternity. Before was eons ago. After is still being written. Our family chose to not openly talk about Mother's illness via social media but now I feel guilty if I do not acknowledge what happened here. Because to blog about life and say nothing is to ignore her. Yet sometimes I need to think about something else because those days are never far from my mind. So...future entries will more than likely consist of a reflection, factoids about my life, and whatever random tidbits I feel compelled to post. Without further adieu, I present said random tidbits, written in no particular order...

* I'm learning grieving is a process and is different for everyone. It cannot be rushed. Cannot be categorized into a "stage" or explained. It simply is. I must simply be. And that's okay.

* Friends are the biggest lifesaver on the planet. They give you a shoulder to cry on, tell you it's okay to be down or unhappy or just have a bad day. And they laugh with you and celebrate the good times. :-)

* Working full time and managing a household is every bit as difficult as I imagined it would be. Kira and domestication never went hand-in-hand and now...who knew!

* I've spent more time with my dad and brother this year than I have in years. It's been wonderful bonding over food (family trait, what can I say!), good conversation, and just being together. I've also eaten more than I have in a while. :-/

* I've rediscovered my passion for reading. With the exception of long flights reading hours have been few and far between but the past week has seen a reemergence of cracking a book open for pleasure. Joy!

* There are more changes ahead, big changes, and usually I'd be struggling with my usual what-will-I-do, must-have-everything-under-control mode. But the past months obviously put life into perspective, and I'm not overly concerned about the future. It's an odd feeling but freeing.
After all, life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. And dance I shall.

1 comment:

Christina said...

Yes, dance you shall. You are a good dancer, after all. :)