Sunday, April 15, 2012

matter of perspective

It's amazing what a difference a few months make. Yesterday I went to the post office for what I thought would be a quick visit, you know, of the mid-Saturday morning, no line variety? Boy was I wrong! The line was out the door, and it literally took me an hour to run 3 errands in a 1 mile radius of my house. Seems everyone had the same idea I did. But I digress. After standing in the PO line for about 10 minutes (where there was only 1 employee helping customers, most with complicated mailing requests requiring multiple forms) I overheard 3 ladies in front of me complaining about the line and various employees who work at our branch. One lady in particular did most of the "talking." I understood her frustration, but the more she talked the madder I got. Seems I had no patience for her lack of it. I may have appeared nice and sweet on the outside, but on the inside I was seething. I kept thinking, There are people in this world who are dying. People who can't get get out of a chair by themselves. Little ones who never had a chance at life. My mother will never go the post office again. And you're complaining about a measly little line? It was all I could do to not tell the woman off. And while I probably over reacted myself, recent events have given me a new appreciation for what's truly important in life and what's a mere nuisance. Here's hoping I remember this lesson in 10 years when I'm in another looooooong's just a matter of keeping perspective.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

who i am today

April 1, 2012. A year ago I would never have imagined my life would look like it does today. I would never have guessed November 13 would forever transform my life and February 8 would end what was. My life is now before - during - after. Period. During felt like an eternity. Before was eons ago. After is still being written. Our family chose to not openly talk about Mother's illness via social media but now I feel guilty if I do not acknowledge what happened here. Because to blog about life and say nothing is to ignore her. Yet sometimes I need to think about something else because those days are never far from my mind. So...future entries will more than likely consist of a reflection, factoids about my life, and whatever random tidbits I feel compelled to post. Without further adieu, I present said random tidbits, written in no particular order...

* I'm learning grieving is a process and is different for everyone. It cannot be rushed. Cannot be categorized into a "stage" or explained. It simply is. I must simply be. And that's okay.

* Friends are the biggest lifesaver on the planet. They give you a shoulder to cry on, tell you it's okay to be down or unhappy or just have a bad day. And they laugh with you and celebrate the good times. :-)

* Working full time and managing a household is every bit as difficult as I imagined it would be. Kira and domestication never went hand-in-hand and now...who knew!

* I've spent more time with my dad and brother this year than I have in years. It's been wonderful bonding over food (family trait, what can I say!), good conversation, and just being together. I've also eaten more than I have in a while. :-/

* I've rediscovered my passion for reading. With the exception of long flights reading hours have been few and far between but the past week has seen a reemergence of cracking a book open for pleasure. Joy!

* There are more changes ahead, big changes, and usually I'd be struggling with my usual what-will-I-do, must-have-everything-under-control mode. But the past months obviously put life into perspective, and I'm not overly concerned about the future. It's an odd feeling but freeing.
After all, life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. And dance I shall.