living in the now

Excerpted with permission from a friends blog who also lost a loved one to cancer. Though I've been unable to articulate exactly how I feel, he does it beautifully. Here's the link if you care to read in its entirety.

God did not design cancer. God did not design death. These things are not a part of His plan. God is not pleased to see Ramon’s family, friends and wife of 10 months down here on Earth, grieving the loss of this man to cancer.

While we are here breaking and crumbling, trying to wrap our souls around the loss of Ramon - God’s heart breaks for us too - for His creation. This is why He sent Jesus; to finally, ultimately, defeat sin, death and cancer. Jesus came to bring us new life; He came to bring healing; He came to bring redemption; He came to usher in His kingdom.

Yet, we don’t fully have His kingdom today. Look around, it’s obvious. If you can’t see it - I’ll show you it. Cancer is still here. I am sitting in this - grieving the loss of my brother. While, I also celebrate his life and how God has given Ramon full healing and one day I will get to see my brother again.

It will be glorious.

But in the mean time, my heart breaks.

I look forward to the not yet, but I live in the now.

current reading list

(yup, I included Great Expectations!)

the way we were

Being the consummate Barbs fan that I am, I've loved this song for ages. Listened to it countless times. And somehow always thought I knew what it meant. Whatever I thought I knew, I was wrong. Recent events have given me a new understanding of the true meaning behind the Bergman's lyrics.

scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind / can it be that it was all so simple then / tell me, would we? could we? / what's too painful to remember / we simply choose to forget

I understand. I remember.

Memories, light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories of the way we were.
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we give to one another
For the way we were.
Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me would we? Could we?
Memories, may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were.

quiet

It's so hard to get used to the quiet.